Secret Stardust
by PorcupineCuty
Summary: Cloud and Dart, meet each other! And while you're busy trying to survive this hell the co-authors threw you into! Said ladies of Author Power will be busy showing the readers just how you boys are a pair out of the blue that was absolutely meant to be.
1. Magical Bunny Abduction

**Title: **Secret Stardust

**Rating:** R

**Theme:** Crack

**Pairings/Characters:** Cloud Strife and Dart Feld

**Spoilers/Warnings:** Uhhh… everything just to be safe. If you haven't played both of the games all the way through… then you probably will get quite a few things spoiled here. P.S. Probably will be breaking all the barriers of sanity and/or virginity. BE WARNED. xD

**Time Period:** N/A

**Summary: **When two women meet, their passions uniting in eternal friendship, the men of their hearts will collide...and create... the ultimate crack series of all time. Co-authored by Vix3.16!

**Word Count: **4,846

**Dedication:** To all the fans of FFVII and LoD who always wanted to see a crossover! This might not be what you had in mind, but too bad! We want it so EAT IT!!!

**Disclaimer:** Neither of us (**PorcupineCuty** or **Vix3.16**) own the rights to these games… but that never stopped us before! 8D

**Rain's A/N: **Hello all! I am one of the writer's for this… interesting fic. Vix and I decided to collaborate together to write something about two games we are absolutely in LOVE with! Final Fantasy VII and Legend of Dragoon! I know! Awesome, right? I know she's been wanting to do this for some time now and so when she mentioned it to me, well, how could I refuse? XD I just love the boys so much! And to finally write not only a crossover with FFVII and LoD fic but a LoD fi in general was exciting to me since there are hardly ANY out there. I plan to work really hard on this project (despite it being crack) and to show these characters in a brand new light. Sure, there will be moments of utter nonsense, but I promise to you, as It progresses, there will be so much more. :Smiles: I hope you all enjoy the introduction of this brand new series! Enjoy the randomness and the bleeding of your brain! Rain out! :Poofs:

**Vix's A/N: **And I'm the second writer of this fic! Nice to meetcha! As Rain said, I'd been wanting to break into this crossover field for a very, very long time now. But every occasion I had to write a fic here or there about the interactions you'll see plenty more of in this series (specifically between Cloud and Dart), the more back story you'll get to how they met as Rain and I got together years back and this four-piece friendship developed. I hope that with this (currently) cracky story, the details will all be filled in, so then when you start to see how the two's friendship develops, you'll be able to better understand the fics that I'll write about them in addition to this one. These two men are very dear to both Rain's and my heart, and I hope you can enjoy the crack and the later serious parts that'll develop over time! Thank you so much for reading! Ta-ta~!

**Chapter One: Magical Bunny Abduction**

Vix: So uhh… where do we start?

Rain (PorcupineCuty): Um… magical bunnies from Mule Land?

Vix: Well how the heck are they gonna bring Cloud and Dart here?!

Rain: That's easy! You pull on their cotton tail and a "Cloud" of smoke will appear with a "Dart" flying overhead and crashing into the wall! :Grins:

Vix: :Stares: ...actually. Why the heck not?! We have author magic! :Smirks: Let's do it! :Summons ze bunnies!:

Rain: BUNNY!!! :Chases after them going "Squee": COME TO RAIN AND BE MY CHEW TOY!!!

Vix: NO RAIN! :Grabs her!: We need them to fetch the sexies! :Slaps!: Do not interrupt their mission! Now, we must choose a destination for ze bunnies to go off to with the sexies! 8D Quick, Rain! Pick a place!

Rain: PLUTO!

Vix: ...someplace closer! XD

Rain: My pants!

Vix: :Pauses and thinks about that one, making a few calculations on her fingers but then slaps herself: NO! DX THEY NEED ROOM TO BREATHE! And... other stuff. :Shifty eyes:

Rain: :Sighs: Fine. If you insist. :Inhales: I SAY THEY SHOULD BE AT SOME RANDOM HOTEL AT SOME RANDOM HOUR OF THE NIGHT ROLE-PLAYING AND PLAYING STRIP POKER!!! Either that or some green place. Like a forest! Dart seems to like those. :Winks to the reader:

Vix: :Thinks: We'll save the hotel for LATER. So random forest it is! 8D

Magical Bunnies from Mule Land: :Nose twitch, sniffle the air, hop off at the speed of light leaving trails of rainbow sparkles behind them as they rush off to fetch the test subjec—UH I MEAN, boys:

Rain: Sweet! Go, little bunny rabbit! Bring boys to us so we can have lots of killing time! Or is it happy? I forget which! XP

Vix: No killing them yet! Unless it's of embarrassment. :Smirks: And they're not coming to US, Rain. They need… SPECIAL ALONE TIME. 8D

Rain: :Mumbles: Killjoy. :Ahem: Anywho! I'd say it's about time for us to take our leave for the time being! The boys will show up any moment and I rather NOT explain how we got them here in the first place. :Glances to the side, nervously:

Vix: Yeah no kidding. :Imitates her, checking the other side: So uh, let's skedaddle! :'D :Grabs spying equipment and runs!:

Rain: Yea—HEY! Wait for me!!! :Poofles:

_At a random forest in the middle of nowhere with no sign of buildings or people at all._

Dart: :Falls out of sky:

Cloud: :Randomly looking about: … :Gets trampled on:

Dart: Oof! Ugh… where the heck am I? And what did I _land_ on?! :Looks down and blinks at the sight of blonde hair spikier than his: …whoops! :Laughs nervously and rolls off the person quickly: Hey, uh, sorry bud. Didn't mean to kinda fall out of nowhere on yah. :Laughs a bit sheepishly:

Cloud: :Face flat on the ground, muffled words escaping his lips: Rits rolight. :Lifts dirt-covered face: I still have the feeling of my left arm. :Slight glare:

Dart: :Blinks and grins casually: I'm sorry, man. Really am. Who the heck knew rainbow bunny-rabbits were so violent in their drop-offs? But here! Let me help yah! :Steps forward and brushes the other blonde off: So what're you doing in the middle of nowhere anyway?

Cloud: :Continues to brush himself off: …besides being pummeled to the ground? I honestly have no clue. :Mutters something about crazy rabbits:

Dart: :Grins: Now I've _got_ to ask—so. Do you come here often? :Places a hand on his hip, looking over the blonde before pointing at his face: You missed a spot. :Makes a circular motion with his hand that covers his entire face: Theeeeerrrrrreeeeee.

Cloud: Thanks for informing me. :Grabs a piece of Dart's clothing and wipes his face with it: There. I'm clean. :Begins to walk off: Now, I will choose to ignore your previous question and take my leave.

Vix: :Off in Author Land where neither of them can hear them: Dude. :Whispers to Rain: I wonder WHAT piece of Dart's clothing he used. XD

Dart: Aww come on! :Trots after him: Where are you gonna go anyway? There's nothing here. Just TREES. :Nods knowingly: I know. The view from where the bunnies flew me over showed nothing but trees and trees for miles. Though there is a lake in the opposite direction! :Grabs the blonde's arm:

Rain: :Playing with rocks made out of tulips in Author Land: I'd say it's along the lines of between the legs. :Snickers:

Cloud: :Involuntarily stops walking: … :Slowly glances over to the other… being: You go to the lake. I'm going this way. :Shakes himself free, wondering if the other… man took the hint or not:

Vix: Well then that makes it even MORE insulting that the bastard hesitated at calling Dart a man! Dx

Dart: :Blinks and stares at the guy as he walks off before shrugging and starting to follow him at a distance: Suit yourself! But hey! You owe me for what you did to my shirt, Ash Ketchum!

Vix: Gosh darn. Dx I knew Cloud was too much of a sap to go for the goods! XP …and Pokemon references? o.o;; I didn't know Dart watched Pokemon! O:

Rain: :Blinks: I didn't know they even AIRED Pokemon in Dart's world. :Thinking pose: There is much I do not know about this man… I must keep an eye out for him. :Snickers:

Cloud: I guess not… :Sighs then randomly turns to face him: …who's a what? Perhaps you should go lie down somewhere and NOT follow me. :Nods slightly:

Rain: And Cloud has no idea what Pokemon is, apparently. :Eye twitches: And his attitude is getting on my nerves….

Dart: :Rolls eyes and catches up to the other blonde: Not used to the company, I'm assuming? :Smiles good-naturedly: I just figured since you were out in the middle of nowhere for no reason, you've at least gotta know where you're going. Cause, uh, I don't know when those rabbits are coming back. :Laughs:

Cloud: Hopefully soon. There's an annoying buzzing in my ear and it won't go away. :Stops abruptly: My sense of direction is terrible. Perhaps you'd like to lead the way. :Stares at him expressionless:

Dart: Nah! I insist! :Claps him on the back with one hand, wrapping the arm around his shoulders: Keep doing what you're doing. You won't even notice me here! :Grins:

Cloud: No. Really. :Removes his arm from his shoulder: You go on ahead. I'll be right behind you.

Dart: :Smiles deviously and stares at the other man silently:

Cloud: :Inches away slowly: …do I still have dirt on my face or…? :Awkward feelings arising: What's your problem?

Dart: You know… most likely… you're my only way out of here…. :Smirks:

Cloud: … :Takes a giant step away from the dirty-blonde: …I neither have nor want anything to do with you. And after hearing THAT, I'll be sure to keep it that way.

Dart: Well, I crash landed into you. :Gestures idly to the other blonde: The bunnies have foretold our meeting, or they just like plummeting random blondes into the middle of nowhere. Whatever the reason, you're stuck with me, because I'm not going to be stuck here _alone_. Got it, blondie?

Cloud: :Tempted to make a run for it:

Dart: :Rushes at the other man and grabs his arm: So! Lead the way, bud? :Grins:

Cloud: :Sighs: I guess I have no choice… :Randomly pokes the other's belly and makes a run for it:

Dart: Ack! :Bolts after him but is having trouble keeping up: Hey! If you're actually helping out SLOW DOWN! What are you trying to do, lose me?!

Cloud: :Runs past tree after tree, zigzagging to and fro, leaves falling behind him, yelling to the other… person: No. I'm trying to see if you're in good shape. :Falls silent and disappears behind a tree trunk:

Dart: :Rolls eyes and sighs, shouting: Riiiiight! Sure you are! :Scowls and tries his best to keep up with the other guy, catching only a few sights of him here and there but eventually losing sight of him completely: Shoot. :Slows to a walk and looks around, scratching his head and walking after where he last saw the blonde: You do know it's not nice to do this to poor fellows that have no clue where they are, right?

Cloud: :Somewhere in the distance: One nuisance down. Now… to get out of here. :Continues walking for about an hour:

_One hour later…._

Cloud: Can't believe he was right… there's no end to this.

Dart: :Sitting up in a nearby tree: Told yah! Doesn't help that you were going in circles though. :Quit chasing after him about 55 minutes ago: Good sense of direction. :Snickers:

Cloud: :Shoots a glare up at said… thing: Don't. Talk. To. Me. :Turns and begins trotting off, beginning to talk to himself: Why is it, no matter where I go, there's always someone who ends up following me? :Sighs: Somehow… I don't think this Enemy Away Materia is working….

Dart: :Jumps out of the tree and strolls after him, casually whittling a stick with a sharp rock he found for lack of something more interesting to do: Well that might explain the lack of rabbits around here. No squirrels either. :Sighs: And I'm getting hungry. :Sad look on his face:

Cloud: :Tosses the Materia into a bush: It wasn't working any- :Interrupted by a bizarre growl: …was that… your stomach? :Quirks a brow:

Dart: :Frowns and looks down at his stomach, rubbing it a little sadly: Hey, I told you I was hungry. :Glares at him: But your stupid Matter-Uh has probably been keeping all the food away!

Cloud: Materia. And it normally just keeps harmful creatures away but considering you're still here, that's not the case. :Returned glare: If anything, you're the one who's scaring the "food" away.

Dart: :Raises eyebrows and blinks, pointing to himself: Me? What are you kidding? I'll have you know that I happen to be quite good at hunting, trapping and fishing! I've lived most my life in the wilderness. But you? :Looks the man over: You definitely don't seem like the "out in the wild" type.

Cloud: I'm more of the "Avoid Strangers So I Can Live A Peaceful Life In Some Rural Area" type. Unfortunately, fate has a different view of things. However… :Narrows his eyes, somewhat disgusted with how the other seems to be looking down on him: …that doesn't mean I can't hold my own in the wild.

Dart: Well you _are_ out in the middle of the Never-Ending Hell of Trees so I don't doubt that last bit. :Grins crookedly: But man, sounds like tough luck on your part then. Is that why you came out here and got yourself lost?

Cloud: …you have some memory loss issues, don't you? I told you those rabbits abducted me when I was in the middle of cleaning Fenrir and brought me here to this… :Glances around a bit before hanging his head: …vast ocean of trees.

Dart: :Scratches his head and shrugs: Sure, whatever you say you did is what you did. But hey. :Pats the other blonde's shoulder lightly: Relax, bud. You and I are gonna get out of here somehow. So! Which way, Mr. Directions?

Cloud: :Tempted to shove a branch down the other's throat but decides he wouldn't want to feel regret for killing an innocent moronic idiot: Does it matter? :Chooses to go in the direction he was facing:

Dart: :Shrugs and follows along, whistling casually: So. Nice weather we're having, huh?

Cloud: Just because I'm allowing you to come with me, doesn't mean you should talk. :Makes a motion indicating a migraine:

Dart: Geez fine. Grouuuuuchyyyyy. Maybe _you're_ the one that needs food more than me.

Cloud: I'm not hungry. I just want quiet… :Another bizarre growl: …and will you control your bowel movements?

Dart: Oh yeah. We definitely need to find you something to eat. And hey! My bowels are just fine! :Glares: Besides, that was your stomach! So don't go blaming it on me!

Cloud: Why would I blame it on you if it was MY stomach? After all, you're the one complaining that you're hungry! :Verge of ditching the… guy again:

Dart: Well _clearly_ you're insecure about yourself! Why ELSE would you refuse company in a lonely desolate— :Growl interrupts again: —place, and how is that NOT your stomach?!

Cloud: I don't know. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that you're pestering me. :Growls becoming louder: No way my stomach can growl like… that… :Sudden realization: …why me?

Dart: :Oblivious: Why you what? :Pauses and then suddenly stops in his tracks: …shit. :Gestures to the other male frantically, whispering: Come, here, come, _here!_ :Tiptoes behind a tree and reaches out to pull the other blonde there with him:

_Suddenly a large creature makes its way through the trees not far from where the two stood moments ago. With eight large tentacles, a deep green color, and a body covered with moss, flowers and various other plants… a Giant Mountain Octopus appears to be searching for the two._

Dart: :Peeks out around the side of the tree before pulling back slowly and turning to face the blonde: …and you threw away that stupid crystal ball WHY?! :Glares venomously at him:

Cloud: It's called Materia. :Right eye begins to twitch: And the bloody thing wasn't working. No point in carrying a useless Materia if all it's going to do is weigh me down. Besides, you were complaining about not having food. I would have done anything to shut you up! :Wonders if it'd really be bad to commence in a violent act against the… other:

Vix: Dude! :Twitches herself: Cloud is starting to really PISS. ME. OFF. CALL DART BY HUMANE TERMS YOU ASSWIPE! :Shakes fist!: This is why now you have to face off against Foo-Foo. -3- Dumbass.

Dart: The stupid thing probably weighs about as much as a nut! :Exasperated: And if that thing eats us, I am so going to kill you.

Rain: …Foo-Foo? That's what you named it? Seriously?

Cloud: You're a nut! Now shut up before it hears you! :Grumbles: Obnoxious, no good, whiny little kid!

Vix: Well his full name is Frauleaine Osteobane Fornadae Omega. But "Foo-Foo" is easier to say, spell and remember. O_o

Dart: Hey! Look who's talking, Mr. I-Threw-Away-The-Only-Thing-That-Can-Protect-Me-Because-It-Was-TOO-HEAVY-TO-CARRY-SOMETHING-THE-SIZE-OF-A-WALNUT!

Giant Mountain Octopus, aka "Foo-Foo": :Makes a curious growling, gurgling noise and peeks around the tree, one of its huge tentacles hovering over both their heads:

Rain: Riiiight… Remind me to never ask you to name my pets ever again.

Cloud: YOU ARE THE EPITOME OF STUPIDITY! IT WAS A FIGURE OF SPEECH!!! :Strange whooshing sound passes by them: …I sense a mysterious aura about. Hey, you. :Points to him: Check if that thing's still around.

Dart: There is NO WAY I am going to— :Turns around to glare at the blonde and spots the large face of the Mountain Octopus just behind him: … :Stops and sighs as though giving in and turns around: Fine… I'll go check. :Peeks around the tree, sees the rest of the beast but notices that it hasn't noticed him: … :Makes a break for it and dashes away from the tree, completely leaving him behind:

Giant Mountain Octopus: :Makes a curious grumbling noise and shifts closer to look over Cloud's head to where Dart had gone but can't see the other man, so turns its attention to Cloud, reaching out a tentacle to poke his leg:

Cloud: ... :Slowly turns to see big ugly Giant Mountain Octopus staring down at him: ... :Feels it touch his leg: ... :Quickly gets up and runs away from monster: I'm going to kill that bastard whenever I get my hands on him!!!

Dart: And you probably will! :Shouting back over his shoulder: Except that it would take too long and you'd be EATEN by the time you finished! :Keeps running!:

Giant Mountain Octopus: :Makes a sad noise and moves around the tree and after them, going a lot faster than one would expect it to:

Cloud: :Catches up to the... cowardly man: Which is why I'm saving your death for later! :Glances behind him and picks up his pace when he sees the octopus right at their tails: I should have stabbed you when you first began following me! :Starting to leave the... dirty-blonde behind:

Dart: Hey! How was I supposed to know I'd end up with an angsty, weak-ass, animal and people hating moron! Blame the rabbits, man! Not me! I didn't ask to be dropped here! :Starts running faster as he sees the other man doing so:

Giant Mountain Octopus: :Making happy, attention-seeking gurgling cries as it chases after them in a puppy-like manner:

Cloud: You're the dumbass who wanted to follow ME, remember!? And for what? To be complaining throughout the entire thing with, "I'm hungry." You're still hungry!? Go eat that thing! :Steps in front of the other... man to shove him directly at the Giant Mountain Octopus: Enjoy! :Dodges low branches from the trees:

Dart: :Tries to move out of the way of the blonde's shove but fails miserably and ends up falling flat on his butt: I WAS TRYING TO MAKE CONVERSATION YOU ANTISOCIAL! :Scrambles to his feet and twists and turns between narrow trees to avoid the tentacles of the Mountain Octopus, eventually scooping up a clump of moss and dirt and chucking it at the back of the blonde's head:

Giant Mountain Octopus: :Gets stuck suddenly, unable to pass through the thicker part of the forest for all the trees, but keeps reaching out longingly after the two men with its tentacles:

Cloud: :Gets whacked on the back of head: Second time I ended up with dirt in my hair... :Glares over his shoulder: In case you haven't noticed, food is not EXACTLY my topic of choice! :Noticed octopus reaching out: And if you don't duck, that thing is going to squeeze you to death, you ingrate!

Dart: Well then take the initiative for once! :Ducks and rolls out of the way, moving closer to the other man and actually more focused on proving his point than on the giant monster reaching out to squeeze him to death: Start a conversation instead of complaining yourself all the time about how you can't stand the topic of conversation! :Sighs with exasperation and lunges out of the way of another grab from the Mountain Octopus, finally reaching the blonde:

Cloud: If it'll get you to shut up, fine! :Jumps over a fallen tree, flipping in mid-air to avoid a tentacle, before landing gracefully onto the ground: Where are you from? :Glances out of the corner of his eye to him, awaiting his answer:

Dart: :Stares: ...what are you, a ballerina? :Notices another tentacle coming his way and runs up a tree before vaulting off it onto another and landing on a thick branch, running along it and further away from the Mountain Octopus' tentacles: I'm from Neet originally, but I grew up in Seles. Not that I'm sure it counts for anything! :Turns around and suddenly yells at the Mountain Octopus after side-stepping a slap from its tentacles: STOP IT! :Sighs irately and turns back to the other blonde: Yourself?

Cloud: :Another flip into the air to avoid a swinging tentacle: Call me what you want but I'd rather not get turned into squash greens. :Tumbles to the ground after nearly getting hit but shrugs it off: "Neet?" With a name like that, it's no wonder you are the way you are. :Shakes his head: I'm from Nibelheim. A place in the middle of nowhere. :Shrugs: I reside in Midgar now... or rather Edge... they keep changing the name so let's leave it as a very noisy city.

Dart: :Jumps down from the branch of the tree and scowls at the blonde: Looks who's talking. "Nibelheim"? At least my town's name is easy to spell!

Giant Mountain Octopus: :Seems to get tired of the two men's good evasive techniques and suddenly draws back its tentacles, squeezing through the narrow space in the trees before lunging at them with something of a bounce to its movements:

Dart: Ahh shoot! :Turns and runs: Why did it have to choose NOW to remember it has no bones in its body?!

Cloud: Ask it. I'm sure it'll be more than happy to respond. :Octopus tentacle slams down behind his heels which the impact sends him flying and crashing to the ground: I guess he didn't like my suggestion. :Gets up: This... is... irritating!

Dart: :Vaults over another tentacle and runs to the other blonde's side: Well we could always do what they try in the cartoons! Split up, run around like lunatics, and hope it gets tangled up in itself. Or! :Leaps and rolls over a boulder while he keeps running: We can finally head for that lake! Maybe all the little friendly creatures are in there if this big sucker's out here where it's not supposed to be? :Shouts over his shoulder: STOP DEFYING THE LAWS OF MOTHER NATURE! GO BACK HOME TO WHERE YOU BELONG!

Cloud: …or maybe there are even deadlier creatures in that damn lake of yours! :Running beside the other… person: And stop talking to it as if it can understand you! You're probably making things worse! :Pushes him aside as a tentacle glides right in between them: Definitely making things worse!!!

Dart: Well I needed someone to be social with! :Recovers his pace easily even after the shove and growls lightly: If you only had talked to me and agreed hours ago to lead me out of here, then we wouldn't have been hanging around waiting for Moldy Calamari over there to come by and try to play dolly with us!! :Glares:

Cloud: Don't you start that again! If I'd known you'd be this annoying, I would have lead you to drown in that lake! :Glares back at him: Again: Why follow me in the first place!? There was no reason! :Groans: Forget it! Knowing you, you'd probably give me some half-assed answer, anyway.

Dart: Hey, none of my answers were half-assed! You're more half-assed as a human being than all my answers put together! And I already told you, I don't know where the heck I am! I thought you did! And then you come out of the blue and tell me YOU were just a victim of the magical rainbow-crapping bunnies as well. Soa! Of all the people I had to end up with, it had to be a man with no logic, social skills, or problem solving techniques! Watch yourself! :Grabs his arm and tugs him away from two well-aimed tentacles as they crash down almost on top of him: Don't die, you idiot.

Cloud: I'm not going to die, stupid. I can handle this fine on my own. :Tugs arm free from… him: As for all those "accusations," you are more idiotic than I first thought! If a person hints at wanting to be alone, you should take it and leave. Not be a complete imbecile, tag along, rant and rave about your gut, and then blame the other person, who was kind enough to allow you to tag along even though that person was completely against it, for getting you into a whole mess of trouble that you stumbled upon all on you own! Egotistical, self-centered, dim-witted- :Unsheathes sword: -uncooperative, insignificant- :Swings at a tentacle with the blunt part, not wanting to hurt the creature: -most selfish, foolish man I have ever met! :Places sword back as he continues to run:

Dart: So not only do you have no people skills, but you're rude and condescending too! How wonderful! :Dripping with sarcasm: Makes you such a neatly wrapped package, really. I mean what would some random stranger off the road be expecting in a random chaotic moment in their life from someone who they THOUGHT would be able to help them? Huh! :Runs on ahead while the other man is busy swiping at the monster at their heels: Oh of course! Insults, desertion and inconsiderate manners! Silly me, I thought people from the city would be nicer to us hick-town boys with nothing on their minds but their stomachs.

Cloud: :Resists urge to tie that… THING up to a tree and allow the octopus to get him: Shut up! Arguing is NOT going to get us out of this! So, if you don't mind, I suggest you stop acting like a child and figure out a way to stop this behemoth!

Dart: :Clamps his mouth shut as he keeps running and thinks before suggesting: If this thing lives outside of the water, then do you think it's safe to assume it won't go into the water if we went into the lake?

Cloud: Well, we won't know until you lead it there. :Jumps onto a tree and hops from one branch to another, out of the octopus's reach:

Dart: :Rolls eyes and decides to take the tighter route between the trees with thick underbrush to slow the monster down behind him: Thank Soa it's not far. I'm getting seriously bushed. :A few minutes more and not only is the octopus seeming to get tired but the lake comes into view: Coming in with me? :Throws a grin at the blonde male before increasing his speed and preparing to launch himself into the water:

Cloud: :Shakes his head whilst on a nearby branch: I'll wait right here and see what happens to you first. :Gets into a more comfortable position, having one leg swing below him as he rests his arm on the other:

Dart: :Doesn't even bother answering as he dives into the water head-first:

Giant Mountain Octopus: :Comes to the clearing where the water starts and pauses several feet away, watching as the dirty blonde surfaces out of reach. It makes a loud grumbling noise and leans towards the water before shying away as though scared, beginning to turn around but catches sight of Cloud. Immediately a bubbling growl of delight escapes it as it goes for the other male:

Cloud: …oh bother. :Hops down from branch and slides right between a few tentacles before running to the edge of the lake and diving right into it: … :Swims up to the surface: I decided to join you after all.

Giant Mountain Octopus: :Looks somewhat longingly after the two men and stretches out a tentacle towards them but withdraws it, and after some calling notes it turns and at last slides out of sight back into the depths of the forest:

Dart: Yeah, I thought you might. :Rolls eyes and splashes the blonde: So I don't know what'll eat us in here, but I have a feeling that if we go back in there any time soon... Ehh... :Groans: ...it'll be waiting for us.

Cloud: :Glares but then shudders at the thought: No thanks. I don't think I can handle anymore encounters. Let alone that THING again. :Exasperated sigh:

Dart: So then we'll eventually either be eaten from below the surface or drown once we get too tired to keep swimming anymore! Charming. :Sighs:

Cloud: …too bad dead bodies don't normally float. Then again… you're not normal so it might work. You. :Points to him: Drown.

Dart: :Glares at him before taking a deep breath and going under the surface:

Cloud: :Waits patiently for the bubbles to cease:

Dart: :Surfaces silently behind him and takes another unheard breath before pulling the blonde under with him:

Cloud: :Struggles to get free, trying not to breathe in too much water, kicking violently at the other… JERK wanting nothing more than to kill him:

Dart: :Let's him go halfway through and surfaces around the same time as him, but keeping his distance, a glare and smirk on his face:

Cloud: :Gasps for air, turning abruptly in the water to throw the other a malicious glare: What the hell is wrong with you?

Dart: :Smug: You started the list. You don't need me to tell you what's on it.

Cloud: … :Right eye begins twitching madly: Screw it! You're dead! :Takes out sword and lunges at the… BASTARD:

Rain: I say, Magical Bunnies to the rescue! :Sprinkles Magic Bunny Dust over the scene: Ta-da!

Vix: Yay! We can't have them killing each other yet, now can we, Rain? ;3 We still have a lot planned for the boys! :Evil grin:

Magical Bunnies: :Sweep in and grab both of the boys from out of the water wisking them off to some other land~!:

Rain: Now… let's pray things go more smoothly when next time we meet… or not. I forget which one is tastier! X3

Vix: I say we go with the flow! Quick Rain! Follow those bunnies! :Gets on her trusty steed and rides off into the sunset!:

Rain: …I'll take the short cut. :Poofles herself to the next chapter:

**Author's Note:** So this was our first chapter. Pretty cracky start, but it's all serving a purpose. ;3 Rain and I feel that over our years together, having Cloud and Dart as some pretty close friends of ours has made us realize just how well those two work together, and it's a sad... sad thing to see that there are no fics AT ALL mixing the world of FFVII with that of LoD. So! This is our ground-breaking ficlet! Hope you liked it! :D


	2. Is It Hot Enough For You?

**Summary:** The scorching sun. The sandy dunes. The long ass river. The kind of place you do NOT want to get lost in. Add the boys, mix in Egypt and what do you get? A heap load of trouble with free sunburns! Awesome… WARNING: BEWARE OF CROCODILES!

**Word Count:** 5,864

**Rain's A/N:** Well… we're still alive! XD Thought we forgot about this, huh? DENIED! Of course we didn't! Just life's been kicking both Vix and me in the ass… mostly me. XP What with school and work and general shit… yeah… no time whatsoever! However, we are here now and we have come to you with Chapter 2 of this cracky fic! The boys actually get along better in this one… a little… Sweet, ne? Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this and forgive the fact that we just left this fic for… nearly a half year! XD I know… we suck. But anyway! Enjoy!

**Vix's A/N:** Oh my GOSH we're BACK. BWAHAHAHAHA~ Took us forever, right? XD Well we've had our own troubles, but we came back! And with our lovely, smexy, beaaauuuutiful and crazy men-men! 8D This time… we're changing scenes and making almost no progress as usual in the storyline! XD Why, you ask? Because there is no storyline! Gosh darn it boys, hurry it up already! We're gonna be old and gray before you two get to even holdin' a conversation without wanting to strangle each other! XD Anyway, hope you enjoy this! Serious a bit, silly way too much, and CRACK-TASTIC TO TOP IT ALL OFF~! Hope you like your cheese!

. . . . . . .

Chapter Two: Is It Hot Enough for You?

. . . . . . .

Vix: So Rain. Where shall we drop the boys off this time? :Puts on sunglasses: I think it should be a hot spot. Someplace really out there!

Rain: Why the heat? :Glares at Vix: Somewhere cold would be WAAAAAY better!

Vix: Well Miss Hates-the-Sun, don't you think seeing them suffer in the heat has its major plusses? Sweating, shirtlessness…. :Trails off and smirks:

Rain: But the cold leads to cuddles and "body heat" which is always better than actual heat. :Gags a little: It's nasty.

Vix: True, true! :Nods: Well then, how shall we settle this?

Rain: Um… random numbers! If you choose the right one, you get the heat and I'll just have to wait for the next time for my Winter Wonderland! :Smiles sweetly: Now, I'm thinking of a number between one and three. Now choose! :Smirks: You'll never guess what it is!

Vix: …I'm really tempted to say 1.6, but that would mean I'd lose. So two! Because I CAN count, ha-HA!

Rain: Rats! Curses! Foiled again! :Hangs head in shame: You win again, O Twisted One. But next time, you won't be so lucky! :Epic fail on ancient villain lines:

Vix: You can never defeat me, O Mighty Raindrop! You should know this by now! :Heroic pose and laughter!: …anyway! :Claps hands: Bunnies! Take them to Egypt!

Rain: Egypt? Why Egypt? Are you making fun of my love for their culture? I swear… if you are… :Punches fist into hand:

Vix: :Points: Be careful not to break a nail. o.o And nope! O: I always wanted to go. Never went. SO THEY SHALL GO FOR ME! 8D

Rain: …WELL OKAY THEN! Bunny rabbits of doom, go and DESTROY! :3

Magical Bunnies: :Receive the message and go to tell the other bunnies to drop off the boys in Egypt!:

_A small town northwest of the Tigris River in Egypt._

Cloud: :Dropped head first into a sand pit: … :Stuck:

Dart: :Dropped into the river:

Cloud: :Legs could be seen squirming about in the air with tiny muffled sounds emanating from him:

Dart: :Surfaces spluttering and looks about wildly: From one lake into ano—OOF! :Smacks up against a rock from the river current: Okay fine! A river then! Not much better! :Crawls out and shakes himself off: At least it's nice and toasty her— :Stares at a pair of flailing legs: …those look vaguely familiar. …aww crap. :Runs over and grabs both of the legs under his arms and pulls!:

_What can be seen under the sand._

Cloud: :Hand holding up chin, sour look on face: _This is not how I pictured my burial._ :Starts getting pulled from other end: _What the…?_ :Goes flying out of sand right onto whoever pulled him: … :Coughs up sand: Thanks.

_Oh look! We're above ground now!_

Dart: :Pinned under the other man's body, speaks a bit breathlessly: You're welcome! XP

Cloud: _That voice… _:Slowly turns his head to the other person under him: … :Sees who it is: … :Sits up, stands up, and starts walking away from said… person:

Dart: :Sits up and grabs for his stomach, frowning and calling after him: Gee! You're always so polite, buster! I rescue you from death by embarrassment and you won't even help me to my FEET! DX

Cloud: :Ignores him and continues marching off: _Getting involved with him would only cause trouble… it's best if I avoided such a- _:Interrupted by the… other:

Dart: IS THIS HOW YOU TREAT THE MAN THAT SAVED YOUR LI- ...DUDE. :Stares: You have a NIIICE ASS! :Noticed it better since falling atop him got the other man's pants soaked through:

Cloud: :Stops dead in his tracks: … :Turns abruptly and races towards Mr. Observant, tackling him whilst slapping his hand right over the other's mouth: Are you trying to make me into your enemy? Do you even realize what you are saying? :Glances around, hoping that not much was heard though… he knows the truth:

Dart: What are yo- AUGH! :Tackled! Has the wind knocked out of him and makes a noise of complaint as the other man covers his mouth. Rolls his eyes at the first question before raising his eyebrows to the second, smirking under the other's hand and nodding pointedly:

Cloud: … :Exasperated sigh: It's official… I hate rabbits. :Gets off from the not-so-subtle man: Let's get out of here. :Still having his hand over the red-armored man's mouth, he tries to hurry them out of sight:

Dart: :Seems quite content to go along now that the other man even bothered to help him up, let alone bring him along. Nevertheless, not too pleased with the hand-over-mouth situation, he shoves his tongue out against the blonde's hand, licking it messily to try to get him to let go:

Cloud: _Ignore it. Ignore it. He's just trying to get you to release him. Hold out for a little bit longer and then… _oh forget it! :Removes his hand: There. Are you satisfied? You're free. Just… try not to say anything… inappropriate. :Has no hope for this:

Dart: :Shouts at the top of his lungs as soon as he's released: FREEEEDOM! :Turns and places a hand on the other man's shoulder, grinning: Thanks, pal!

Cloud: :Trying to control his massive eye twitching which began not too long ago for some reason or another: Tell me. Why didn't I impale you when I had the chance?

Dart: :Grins and winks at the man: Because I'm just too much fun to have around?

Cloud: :Icy glare: "Fun?" :Shoves the man's hand off his shoulder: I was having more fun with my head in the sand! You're more of a nuisance! :Gathering his composure once again: Look… thank you for helping me but I really think it's time we part ways. I'll stay on this side of the river… :Points drastically: …and you stay on that side!

Dart: No thanks! I already WENT for a swim today. If anything, YOU jump in and take a dip. I'm staying on this side. :Shoots him a look before walking off in the direction he was heading when he tried to leave him: I'm heading further into town to try and find out where we are, and if there's anything to eat. Cause by now even YOUR skinny ass has got to be hungry! :Smiles smugly but keeps going:

Cloud: Is your stomach the _only _thing you think about? :A tiny rumble in his tummy: _But he's right… I am a bit hungry. _:Stands there, not moving to the river or to follow the other man: _I'd rather argue with Cid on whose hair is brighter…_

Dart: :Doesn't look back, whether or not the other man is following, deciding that if it happened twice, the likelihood was that if the bunnies showed up again, that they would put them both back together again: At least there are no giant ridiculous monsters here. :A relieved sigh. Suddenly notices an open counter and doorway to his left under a shady canvas. From inside, delicious smells of exotic foods fill the area. Stopping, he grinned: Well! Looks like I just hit the jackpot! :Strolls inside:

Cloud: :Tummy rumbles once again: This goes against my better judgment but... :Sighs and follows the... dirty-blonde... from a distance:

Dart: :Notices there are no patrons in the shop. Walks through a back door and notices a cook: Hi there! You wouldn't have any manual labor or tedious tasks I could get paid for in food, would ya?

Cook: :Affronted by the intrusion of some random armor wearing pedestrian, but starts speaking excitedly in his language as the Red-Clothed One mentions manual labor. Nodding his head, he takes him by the arm into another dark room:

Cloud: :Peeps head through door seven minutes after watching the red-armored guy walk in: ... :Notices no one there, takes a few steps inside: ...great. He's gone and went to get himself eaten. Figures. :Explores and wanders, more out of curiosity than out of concern for the other traveler, into the dark room: You better be alive, Red. I really wouldn't want you dead if it weren't done so by _my_ hands.

Dart and Cook: :In the middle of a very loud and wild argument:

Cook: :Lots of incoherent babbling:

Dart: I _know_ the Cajun seasoning doesn't belong INSIDE the dough! But if we dip it in HERE—

Cook: :Cuts him off with a sharp outcry, smacking the round pastry from his hand:

Dart: OH COME ON! WHY WON'T YOU EXPERIMENT A LITTLE?

Cook: :INCOHERENT YELLING IN A FOREIGN LANGUAGE:

Dart and Cook: :Completely have not noticed Cloud:

Cloud: :Stares blankly at the two: _Should I really interfere? Maybe I should make a run for it before I get involved._ :Turns and slowly makes his exit but hears one of them mention a tomato: … :Turns dramatically: Tomato! Why would anyone want to use such a vile ingredient in food! :Eerie silence in the entire room: Crap…

Dart and Cook: :Suddenly stare at Cloud:

Cook: :Shouts and points a large knife at the Spiky-Haired One:

Dart: Hey! You actually tracked me down! See, I knew you couldn't be _that_ bad at finding your way through places! :Grins and then turns to the Cook: Don't worry. He's here for the same reason as me. Hungry as a wildebeest!

Cook: :Lowers his voice slightly and props both his hands on his hips, questioning the Red-Armored One intently for a minute before seeming to become satisfied:

Dart: Aww, you're such a great guy, Aruhiim! :Looks to Cloud: He says you can dig in, too!

Cloud: Actually, I was just about to leave… :Glances at the door, hoping for some miracle, or bunny, to help him get away:

Dart: :Confused look: But…aren't you hungry?

Cloud: :Loud rumble: No…

Dart: Oh. Well then what would you like? :Grins:

Cloud: Give me a glass of water and some bread so I can be on my way. :Waits expectantly:

Dart: ... :Stares at the other man quietly for a long moment: …uhmm… ohhh… okay? :Blinks and stares a bit more: You like chicken? Veggies? I'll make you a berry stir-fry. :Starts cooking it up quickly, humming contently:

Rain: LET THE EYE TWITCHING BEGIN! :Snickers with delight:

Cloud: :Eye twitches madly: _Definitely hard of hearing._ Just… do whatever you want. You seem to be good at that anyway. :Shakes head whilst sighing, walking rather glumly to some corner table:

Dart: No, no! Come on! You can help me out. :Grins and moves over to the other man, redirecting him to the stove and counter where he's cooking: This way you can point out what you like and don't like, and how MUCH of what you waaaant! See?

Cloud: :Forced to turn on his heel, glaring at the other slightly over his shoulder before allowing himself to be shoved towards the cooking area: Fine. If it'll get you to shut up... what are you making? :Peers down at the contents on the counter:

Dart: :Grins broadly and waves an arm out over the stovetop: Exactly what I said! Berry-vegetable stir fry! And I might as well make some spicy rice to go with thaaat, aaaand…some kind of chicken-y barbeque!

Cloud: :Raises both brows: Uh... "some kind?" You mean... you don't know? :Takes a step back:

Dart: Well, the cook says it's poultry of some kind. :Scratches his head as he grabs the 'bird' and lifts it up by a leg: See? It's bird-like enough. I dunno if it's chicken, but I bet it tastes enough like it! :Reassuring grin:

Cloud: :Swallows back some bile that rose to his throat: That... reminds me of a creature from back home... :Looks away from it: I think I'll pass. :A shade of pale green shrouds his face:

Dart: :Blinks and moves the 'bird' away to arm's length and places it back down on the pan: Well I didn't start cooking it yet! What else d'ya want?

Cloud: :Still squeamish: Ugh... Something to ease my stomach. :Glances at the cook, quirking a brow: Why is he looking at me like that?

Dart: Humm… not too spicy then… Aha! Ginger! Honey-ginger sauce and rice! Man, that'll taste good! And huh? :Glances over his shoulder to the cook: Oh… maybe he… :Stares at the other blonde and ponders: …thinks you have weird hair!

Cloud: :Shrugs: If that'll help with my stomach then fine. :Glaring back at the cook, still conversing with the red one whilst ignoring his comment: Just ask him what's his problem.

Dart: Ginger's good for your stomach, yes. :Nods, and then turns to the cook, shouting something over his shoulder to him:

Cook: :Makes a loud grumble, dismissing the two with a wave of the hand and walks out of the back room into the rest of his restaurant:

Dart: :Turns back to Cloud: Well, he doesn't seem to have a problem with you. Do you have a weak stomach? :Random change of topic:

Cloud: :Glares at cook until he leaves the room: ... :Turns back to the other nuisance: ... :Nods slightly: Yeah... :Remains silent, deciding not to explain any further:

Dart: :Glances at the spiky blonde with curiosity: You okay there, dude?

Cloud: :Nods again: Yeah. :Changes the subject: Is _that_ almost done? :Points to the pot:

Dart: Psh! :Snorts and grins, pulling it off the fire: Yeah! Want a plate or wanna eat it straight out of the pot? :Slips out a large wooden plate and places the pot down atop it: Grab a spoon! Eat, eat! :Urges him, grabbing a spoon and smacking it lightly against the blonde's arm:

Cloud: :Snatches the spoon away: Stop that! :Grabs the plate and pours some rice in it: I hope your cooking is better than your tact. :Takes a spoonful: ... :Silent: ... :Takes another bite:

Dart: :Grinning silently: … :Pushes a plate of the freshly cooked veggies in light berry sauce over to him…sloooowly:

Cloud: :Eyes him cautiously pushing the plate: ... :Snatches that too, adding it to his plate of rice and eating it in a polite yet ravenous manner:

Dart: :Steps sideways away from the blonde, still grinning, and grabs a plate for himself too, sitting down across the table from the other man and shoveling food onto his plate; but hesitates to start: …sooooo. You like?

Cloud: :Stops chewing to glare at the fool: ... :Makes a face as if saying "What do you think?" then continues to chew his food; once the content in his mouth had been swallowed, he speaks: It's decent.

Dart: :Still grinning: Ah-hah~ :Starts to eat himself, so as to avoid any questions, though an amused smirk still lingers over his mouth:

Cloud: :After a few more bites, clears his throat to get the other's attention: What's to drink?

Dart: :Looks up, mouth stuffed with food: … :Swallows his mouthful with some difficulty before getting up and going over to the sink, grabbing a glass, and filling it with some water; walks back to the table and places it down before the other man: There you go! Now just _pretend_ there's some ice in it, and you'll be a-okay! :Sits back down and begins to gobble his food again:

Cloud: :Stares at the glass: ... :Stares at the doofus: ... :Sighs and drinks making a face afterwards: Not exactly refreshing...

Dart: Hey. :Speaks around a mouthful of food: It's the desert! You expect anything less?

Cloud: I expect to leave this place soon. :Look of disgust: You grew up in the wild, didn't you?

Dart: :Pauses in his chewing, tilts his head up as though to think about it, and a split second later nods: Pretty much, yeah. Why?

Cloud: :Narrows eyes as he takes another sip of his water: Just wondering. :Takes a glimpse at the other's eating manners again: Here's something you obviously haven't learned yet. Don't talk with your mouth full. It's rather unsightly.

Dart: :Stares, swallows hard, and smiles crookedly: And now who are you? My mother?

Cloud: :Glares at him: Someone with more sense than you. :Finishes eating, places the plate back on the counter as he heads for the door: Thanks for the food.

Dart: You're welcome? :Blinks: Hey, what about your bill, bud?

Cloud: :Talks over his shoulder: Take care of it, would you? :Steps outside:

Dart: :Stares after him slack-jawed: HEY GET BACK HERE! WHAT AM I? YOUR BOYFRIEND?

Cloud: :Twitches but pretends not to hear and walks away from the restaurant:

Dart: Geez! He really IS acting like a girl! :Scoffs softly and gulps down a few more mouthfuls of food, before grabbing a satchel and a few jars, hurriedly placing the food in there and grabbing whatever else was lying around, figuring they would need it depending on what happened next; runs out just a minute after the spiky haired blonde had left: Hey! Where'd he go? :Looks around frantically:

Cloud: :Walking further in town: _There has to be some form of transportation to cross that vast desert in this world... but what?_ :Sees a random sales person selling camels and walks right pass them: _They have strange looking pets, I'll give them that._

Dart: :Spots a familiar bright blob of yellow: AHA! I found him! :Runs him down and grabs hold of his arm as he comes near: Hey, what's the big idea! Leaving me behind like that!

Cloud: :Hears a distant cry: Wait... that's... :Cringes once grabbed: ... :Eyes his arm being ripped from its socket then glares at the culprit responsible: I wasn't aware you wanted to tag along.

Dart: Like Hellena you weren't! But it doesn't matter, I've caught up to you now, and look! :Holds up the satchel: I have supplies!

Cloud: :Shakes himself loose from the daft man, glancing down at the supplies: Seems like you're not completely useless. Fine then. You can come with me... :Walks off in the direction he was going previously before stopping to address the other without turning to face him: ...as long as you don't say anything... stupid. :Begins walking again:

Dart: :Raises his eyebrows and whistles softly, placing the satchel back down comfortably at his side and following the other man: Touchy as woman.

Cloud: :Turns abruptly, removing his sword from underneath his coat, point-blank in the other's face: Also, I would really appreciate it if you dropped the woman jokes. It's starting to piss me off.

Dart: :Puts the back of his hand against the flat of the sword and pushes it away, stepping up to the man: You see, this is exactly what I mean. Why are you so temperamental, so easily upset all the time? Can't you take a joke, get a little lighthearted, eh? Smell the… :Stops and waves an arm around vaguely: Dust?

Cloud: You're jokes are poor at best. :Casually places sword back in sheath: And it's of no concern to you my reasons for acting this way. :Pats away said dust from his clothing: Does this answers your final question?

Dart: _Sheesh… finally some sort of reasonable reaction!_ :Shrugs: It'll have to do, I guess. :Starts to walk on again: So, we heading out into the desert I see. :Notices the town slowly being left behind: Good thing there's a river.

Cloud: :Sighs: Yeah... I was looking for some form of transportation to make it easier on us... however, no such luck. :Sighs once again as he gazes at the river beside them: It'll keep us from dehydrating at the very least.

Dart: Or burning up! :Grins at the other man: And uh… they don't look like they have anything but themselves. :Thinks for a bit, eyeing the river: Maybe boats… :Suddenly winces and glares up at the sky: PHEWHEEE! It's HOT! :Exhales gustily and flaps a hand in his face: Wish I wasn't wearing this armor. :Groans:

Cloud: :Squints his eyes as he looks up: The sun's rays are pretty intense here. Not exactly something I'm too happy about either. :Glances back at the fleeting town behind them: And I checked for boats... I couldn't understand what that villager was saying but I gathered something about a fishing fleet and being gone for a few days... I believe. :Looks at the other with irritation: Must you continue to make that motion? If you can't handle the heat, then go for another swim.

Dart: :Stops abruptly and looks at the other blonde: You know what, that ain't half a bad idea. :Changes direction and walks towards the river with purposeful strides:

Cloud: :Hangs head and shoulders with an exasperated sigh escaping his lips: I always get stuck with the weird ones. :Yells after him: Just don't get lost. I'm not looking for you if you do. :Chooses to continue on land:

Dart: :Already by the riverside, turns as he hears the other man calling, but is unable to make the last half of it out: WHAT?

Cloud: :Groans and walks away without repeating: _He'll figure it out soon enough._

Dart: :Sees the other man continue walking and shrugs before stepping into the river, boots and all, figuring that he'll dry faster than he expects once he gets out anyway: Man this is muuuuch better! :Begins walking parallel to the other man, appreciative of the scattered trees around the riverbanks:

Cloud: :Skin turning into a slight shade of crimson from the scorching sun: _We couldn't get lost in a mountain region. No. It had to be a desert..._ :Wipes a bead of sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand:

Dart: :Squelches quite contently through the banks of the river, glancing occasionally to the other male and noticing his discomfort out there; finally, unable to stand watching the poor guy get tortured, he cups his hands around his mouth and raises his voice: Hey! Why don't you come walk under the shade of the trees at least!

Cloud: :Grimaces from the sound of the other's voice: _What now?_ :Listens in to the second part of what the red one said: ... :Sighs: _It wouldn't hurt..._ :Strides over to the trees: _This should help a little._

Dart: :Raises a hand to him as he comes near and smiles, a friendly expression on his face: Hey. :A hello, as though they had just met for the first time that day, welcoming him:

Cloud: :Nods in response, walking off silently, staying under the shade as much as being able to:

Dart: :Eyes the other man curiously for a while before stepping out of the river and a little up the bank, where dirt mingles before the sands start: Hey, listen. We got off to the worst start possibly ever, bud. What's say you and me start over a bit now, hmm? :Watches the blonde carefully, trying to read his reaction:

Cloud: :Looks out of the corner of his eyes to the other: Fine. :Looks forward again, not saying anything else:

Dart: _Yeesh, you're friendly fella._ :Nevertheless, smiles suddenly and moves around behind the blonde and onto the other side of him, into the sun this time: You're not loving the heat, even if it wasn't a desert, huh? :Seemed to notice the man's particular discomfort and the quick change to his complexion when out in the sun:

Cloud: :Narrows eyes: Noticed, did you? :Groans: It's not that I can't handle it. I'm just not one who has taken a liking to it. :Seems to be feeling slightly better from before: I grew up in the mountains... I'm used to cooler climates.

Dart: :Nods slowly and glances at him sympathetically: That would do it. Can't say I don't understand that. I never lived in the hottest of climates myself. And this desert heat… :Glances up squinting at the sky for a second before dropping his head low again and stepping nearer to the shade of the trees: …it'll torment anybody. You ever travel much, outside your home? Nibe… Nibe- what did you say it was? :Looks to him inquisitively:

Cloud: Nibelheim. And remember? I don't live there anymore. :Looks to the other again: I live in Edge. :Scratches the back of his head, removing some sand that blown into his hair before continuing: Though, I don't necessarily "stay" there much. :Shakes his head slowly: So the answer to your question would be "Yes."

Dart: Nibelheim. :Repeats it again slowly to himself a couple of times, to memorize the name properly: You make it sound almost as though you don't really have a place you stay in for long. :Smiles: Thing I can't figure out is whether you do it by choice or if you just haven't found anything to settle for yet. You sure _do_ have the feel of a drifter.

Cloud: :Shrugs: A little of both, maybe. I have reasons for staying there... and yet I have reasons I don't. It's as simple as that.

Dart: :Nods: For some guys, it is. :Doesn't push it any further: So… it's safe to assume you're not _attached_ then. :Gets a knowing smile on his face:

Cloud: :Side glances with a slight frown on his face: Why would I reveal something like that to a stranger? :Narrows his eyes: What's with the grin? Something you want to say yourself?

Dart: Ohh, nothing. :Chuckles to himself: You wouldn't be this delightfully free-willed if you were… :Pauses for dramatic effect: …_chained_ down.

Cloud: :Sighs: I have a feeling you're not going to drop this until you get some sort of answer that's to your liking, correct?

Dart: :Grins: Why continue? I already know what the answer is.

Cloud: :Glares: Good. Then drop it. :Speeds up his walking speed: _Idiot..._

Dart: :Tilts his head: If it bothers you that much, then why don't you?

Cloud: :Turns abruptly: Don't I what?

Dart: Why don't you get a girl? :Stops to and meets his gaze plainly:

Cloud: :Flame eyes: I am NOT having this conversation with you. :Turns on heel and stomps off:

Dart: :Blinks and follows after a span: Wait, wait. :Catches up to him with a trot: I offended you? :Surprised:

Cloud: :Silently walking in huge strides:

Dart: :Stares sideways at him and then shakes his head, stepping aside a bit to give the other man some room: …not used to being around guys that won't talk about those things without a thought. :Seems apologetic:

Cloud: Hmph... not interested in talking about those things. :Not as irritated as before: So, try to avoid them in the future.

Dart: You're an interesting man. :Nods: I get you, though. :Quieter: I get you. :Silent for a long while, as the sun begins to rise higher in the sky: …is there anything you _do_ talk about? :Looks to him with a jolt of expectancy:

Cloud: :Sighs: Yes. :Hurries along:

Dart: :Waits a few heartbeats… waits a few more…:

Cloud: …

Dart: :Glances a little at the blonde before looking back quickly:

Cloud: :Glances at the other from the corner of his eyes, slowing down so as not to leave him completely behind:

Dart: :Notes the consideration of the other, but after a few more minutes of _complete_ and _total_ _SILENCE…_: You're as bad as a solitary prison cell! :Sighs outrageously:

Cloud: :Flinches to the sound of his sigh:

Dart: :Stops in his tracks and turns to Cloud, thrusting out a hand: I'm Dart.

Cloud: :Blinks, staring down at the other's hand with a semi-confused look to his face:

Dart: :Smiles a bit: Dart Feld, to be exact. And you are…? :Still holding out the hand:

Cloud: Annoyed. :Completely ignores the one who calls himself Dart and walks pass him:

Dart: :Gawks at him incredulously: … :Closes his mouth after a moment as a thought strikes him and he walks to catch up to the man, gazing at the river as they continue on in silence once more; then suddenly rams himself into the blonde's side with his shoulder low and sends him tumbling down the bank of the river into the water:

Cloud: :Sent into the water: ... :Makes a few gurgling noises as he remains under the surface; floats to the top: ... :Soaked and wet with his eyes to the ground; hair unaffected: Hey... Dart, was it? :Glaring eyes shoot up as he jumps from his current position right beside the red one, grabbing him firmly around the wrists, tossing him swiftly and effortlessly into the water: Since you enjoyed the swim so much last time, I thought you might want to have another dip.

Dart: :Grins with satisfaction as the man goes under, only to be thrown in himself, a moment of shock registering on his face before he too goes flying into the water, satchel and armor and all: … :Comes spluttering up to the top, and as soon as he catches a breath… begins laughing, slapping the water with a hand: Oh man! I was just thinking you seemed so hot, dry and uncomfortable—and then you grabbed me and..! :Bends forward laughing, grabbing himself around the stomach, and then flings himself back into the water: You _threw_ me _in!_

Cloud: Right. :Flips hair to get a few strands away from his face: Enjoy yourself. :Walks away from the bank of the river, not caring if the sun burns him or not:

Dart: :Gets out of the water and chases after the man, grabbing him by the arm and pulling him back toward the river: Oh no you don't! You're coming with me!

Cloud: :Tries shaking him off: Let go of me. I'm not- quit pulling- Stop! :Outstretches leg, tripping the other to fall face flat on the sand, taking himself with him: _That back-fired._

Dart: :Splutters in the sand and then sneezes after a moment; looks to the other blonde: Well… I've stopped. :Blinks a little and plops his cheek back into the sand: So now what?

Cloud: :Spits out some sand: Still trying to figure that out...

_:Suddenly, out of the water of the riverbank, a large scaly crocodile begins climbing towards the two men:_

Cloud: ...I just figured out what to do next. :Lifts himself and Dart up from the sand: ... :Clears his throat: Run. :Runs:

Dart: Huh? :Starts to trot after him for a moment before looking back slowly, bewildered; spots the crocodile lunge at him: HOLY SOA! :Jumps aside and bolts after the other man as suddenly more crocodiles start emerging from the river and trying to bite them: WHY IS THERE ALWAYS SOMETHING TRYING TO EAT US!

Cloud: :Off in the distance: I hear predators of their kind can smell dumbasses from far away. Perhaps you should do something to cover up your own scent. :Doesn't bother waiting for the other to catch up this time:

Dart: :Groans and puts on a burst of speed, laughing nervously: Are you always this charming?

Cloud: :Glares: Great. You brought more with you. :Points behind the dumb one: Do you think I'm joking now? Go ahead and distract them while I make my escape. :Pats Dart's shoulder: Thanks. :Speedy Gonzalez Speed:

Dart: :Glances over his shoulder: ACK! :Eyes widen hugely and he jumps into the air with a squawk; sticks out his tongue and does a Roadrunner to catch up to the fleeing blonde: You're not leaving me behind yet! I got fuel! :Pats his satchel: I'll save the food before I save myself! Ha-HAH!

Cloud: Listen, Drake. You just gave me an idea. Besides, we could always get food in the next town. Why don't you give me that satchel? :Extends his hand out to grab the food: It'll buy us enough time to get away.

Dart: Hey, Josh~ Why don't you NOT DITCH ME WITH THE BILL NEXT TIME. No way! Get your own food! :Grabs the satchel even closer to him as he's running: This is mine and I'll protect it from you _and_ the crocodiles!

Vix: Oh snap. Cloud was totally gonna take the bag, and run, and leave Dart to be eaten! XD SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST FTW!

Cloud: No. I wasn't, Vix. I was going to give it to the crocodiles so that we _both_ can escape.

Vix: Omg, he's talking to me. :Turns to Rain: He's TALKING to me! WHY IS HE TALKING TO ME! D8

Rain: Hey, Cloud! Stop breaking the fourth wall! And get back to the story!

Cloud: Oh... er... right... Ahem! Um... Dandelion, I didn't "ditch" you with the bill. You offered to pay when you decided to tag along. Remember? :Serious face:

Rain: Sheesh! What's with these guys? They're fine one minute and fighting the next. :Face/palm:

Croc 1: I'll solve that problem right now, Rain-baby.

Rain: O.o "Rain-baby?"

Croc 1: :Puts on Jet Pack: Get'em, boys! :Pushes button on remote control; flies after them:

Crocs 2 – 27: Yessir! :All follow their leader, Jet Packs blazing!:

Croc 1: Okay, boys! AIM! FIRE! :Flaming marshmallow breath shooting out to the two men:

Crocs 2 – 26: READY SIR! :All breathe out their deadly flaming marshmallows at the two men too!:

Croc 27: :Sneezes dramatically; daisies fly out and shower the two men:

Croc 1: :Stops momentarily to address Croc 27: Except you. You just... stay there and look stupid.

Croc 27: Aww shucks… :Salutes sadly and goes back into the river:

Cloud: :Ducks out of the way of the flaming marshmallows: What are these things they keep throwing at us? They look like pillows on fire! :Nearly gets hit with one: Damn... too close.

Dart: WHY ARE YOU TALKING AND NOT RUNNING! DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF THE "MEEP MEEP"? :Meep meeps and bolts ahead!:

Cloud: "Meep?" :Cocks his head to the side, very confused indeed: That is one sad, strange little man. He has my pity.

Rain: Uh... Vix? Do you get the feeling we are losing control of our own fanfic?

Vix: …kinda like, yeah. Why? Think we need to get the bunnies back in here already? o_o

Rain: Well... :Watches Cloud pick up some huge rock and throw it at the crocodiles, muttering something about not letting Scarlet's purse get the better of him: ...yeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh. I think we should...

Vix: BUNNIES TO THE RESCUE THEN! :Sounds the trumpets!

Magical Bunnies: :Poofles into the picture, shaking their cotton tails at the crocs: Nyeh-nyeh! :Two land on each of the shoulders of the men:

Cloud: Oh, for Odin's sake... not again... :Hangs head, quietly damning himself:

Dart: Oh thank Soa! I never thought I'd be so happy to see these gu—hey, _hey!_ What are they—PPFFF OOMPH! :Has his mouth covered by one of the bunnies: MMNPHHH! MMMMMPPPPPHHHHHH!

Magical Bunnies: :Cloud Dust of Poof!:

Rain: ...those bunnies get funkier with each passing chapter. I really don't want to see how they're going to be like in Chapter 8,652,394,526,017,963,145,822,995,053.

Vix: …oh hopscotch. We ARE going to have that many chapters AREN'T WE? XD

Rain: Yes... yes, we are.

Vix: XD Hey… Rain… where'd they get the duct tape…?

Rain: Like I said... funkier with each new chapter... Yay... -.-"

Vix: Well, that's our cue! Abbri-abri-abri- THAT'S ALL FOLKS! 8D :Waves!:

Rain: :Stares awkwardly at Vix: Um... bye. :Disappears into the next chapter:


	3. Shopping with Mall Cops

**Summary:** Ever wanted to go shopping with someone you barely even know that annoys the crap out of you? Yeah… Neither does Cloud. That's why Dart is going to make it his goal to drive the poor blonde insane… BY GETTING AN ARMY OF EVIL AFTER THEM! And I do mean "army."

**Word Count:** 7,242

**Rain's A/N:** You think we would learn to never promise to update more when in reality we are a bunch of lazy asses that don't like to use our brains. :Sighs: Well, I do want to try to write more of these. The boys hold a special place in my heart and I want to make sure their awesomeness is shown. I know that Vix and I have lives that just LOVE kicking us in the ass but… I just HAVE to try. And I'll force her to try, also! Well… I got nothing else to say. Just enjoy the crazy and we'll see you soon… ish. I hope… ENJOY!

**Vix's A/N:** These breaks are seriously getting old! We need to stop going on such long vacations, I tell ya! Hopefully we'll be back and doing these much more often though. It's really nice to take a break from all the serious writing I do, and a waaaay too hectic (and real!) life to just enjoy my two favorite boys! :Hearts!: They bring such peace and cheer to my life like I can never express. So I'm just going to leave it at that and let you guys enjoy the chaos once again! And stay tuned for Rain's and my new updates of _First Impressions_ right after this! For now, enjoy the show! :Winks!:

. . . . . . .

Chapter Three: Shopping with Mall Cops

. . . . . . .

Vix: Mwahahaha! Here we are again, Rain! And do you know what fearsome planet we're going to be dropping off the boys in _this_ time? :Evil grin:

Rain: ...as long as it's not a volcano after the last smoldering heated place, I really don't care. :Experiencing a migraine:

Vix: Nope! We're going to give them a break and put them into OUR world! Yay air conditioning and claustrophobia! 8D

Rain: Okay... I got the air conditioning part... but what the hell do you mean by "claustrophobia?" :She asked nervously...:

Vix: Simple, my dear Rain! :Takes out pipe and starts pacing/smoking, acting like Sherlock Holmes: We shall be placing said beautiful men in the midst of one of the most heavily trafficked areas in our world today... A place where teenagers frequent, shops are plentiful, and crowding is inescapable. What do you deduce from that Wats—I mean, Rain?

Rain: ... :Eye twitches: Why would you ever want to take them to the redlight district! You sick little puppy! O.o

Vix: :Chokes on her fake pipe and bends over coughing for a good five minutes before she straightens: AHEM! ...no, I think we'll save that for the _dress_ talk. XD I meant, we're sending them... TO THE MALL! 8D

Rain: ...I think they'd do better in the redlight district... :Cocks head to the side as she realizes what was said: "Dress talk?" Nevermind... I don't want to know.

Vix: Well I'll tell you anyway! In the meanwhile! :Snaps fingers for the bunnies to sentence the boys to their DOOOOO—uh, I mean...place them down nicely? Takes Rain by the hand and drags her away, explaining the "dress talk" to her:

Rain: :Being dragged: Oi... just where are you taking me for this "talk?" Shouldn't we be paying attention to the boys?

Vix: Don't worry! I tapped into the mall's camera surveillance system. ;D

Magical Bunnies: :Poof into the middle of a random store and drop them both...thankfully without the duct tape:

Rain: ...so this is what you've been doing in your spare time, Vix. I knew you were a pervert but I didn't think you'd stoop to _this_.

Vix: Stoop? :Blinks incredulously and then grins: Rain, you should know me better than that! I have no shame! :Laughs proudly!: Besides... if you don't want to watch the fun, you don't have to come. ;D :Goes on without her:

Rain: ...I didn't say I wasn't going to watch... :Continues to follow, donuts and milk in hand: Where's the movie? :Grins sheepishly:

Cloud: :Crash lands on a few mannequins: ... :Plastic leg protruding from his mouth; grunts and spits it out angrily: Those furballs... I'll roast them the next time they toss me into a dump. :Glances around: Where...? :Blinks: ... :Sulks: You've got to be kidding me...

Dart: :Falls on top of a clothing rack: Ughh... Pain in my... Ack! :Slips off the clothing rack onto the floor: Oof! My a-AH! :Clothing rack falls on top of him; silence...: AHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRGGGGHHHH! :Shoves clothing rack off of himself, flailing his arms to be rid of it and gets covered in hangers and a certain type of clothes in the process; finally crawls out and lays panting on the ground, a complete mess: FREE! THANK SOA!

Cloud: :Hears the racket from a very recognizable voice: You really have got to be kidding me... :Looks over his shoulder to see the man with the red armor: ... :Sighs: Perfect... :Stands up, letting all the plastic limbs fall from his form as he walks over to the other: Loud as ever, I see. Get up. Let's get out of this place... quickly. :Seems a bit disturbed by haunting memories:

Dart: :Lifts his head and grins as he notices the other man is apparently here too: Oh, hey! Dude, and here I was wondering where I was going to land, ugh... :Gets up, clutching his stomach: That fall really killed me. :Grimaces and then tries to shake his head to get a particular piece of cloth out of his eye: We landed in some... cloth factory? :Brushes it out of his hair before noticing more metal and plastic things with cloth pieces attached to his legs and shirt, tries shaking them off as he half-limps and half-hops after the other blonde: Huh? Why? Is there a problem? :Seems bewildered:

Cloud: No. Let's just get ou- :Eyes the man covered in the foul garments then sighs: You always seem to get yourself into these sorts of things... it suits you. :Removes one from the dirty-blonde's shoulder and holds it with just his index and thumb, as if disgusted by it: An exact replica? :Shudders: Let's go. :Grabs the other's wrist and begins making his way to the exit:

Dart: :Stops as the man picks the clothing off of him, grasping the item from the air as the blonde holds it with apparent disgust; doesn't say anything as he's being dragged through the store, only holds the item closer to his face for examination before suddenly realizing what it is: Wait. This is clothing. :Looks up at the darkly dressed man: What kind of clothing is this? :Waves the item to try to get the blonde's attention:

Cloud: :Stops abruptly, slowly turning to the other: You... really... don't... know? :Horrified: I thought you took off plenty of these! :Lowers voice: You seemed experienced enough. :Raises it again: I don't take kindly to one who messes with me... :Begins to crush Dart's wrist:

Dart: :Seems shocked at the expression on the other blonde's face, eyes widening slightly as he steps back slightly: Wh-whoa, wait a minute there, pal. :Winces as the other man's grip tightens around his wrist: Hey! What's the- :Suddenly his eyes catch sight of a nearby display...then slowly drift to the infuriated man...then back to the article of clothing in his hand: ...WHOA! THESE ARE GIRLS' THINGS! :Chucks the item over his shoulder and lurches forward against the other man, grabbing his shoulder as though desperately unsettled all of a sudden: WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME! :Shoves his face right up into the other blonde's, gritting his teeth: I don't want any trouble like I had the LAST time, got it? So let's just: Get. Out. Of. Here. NOW.

Cloud: Forgive me... I forgot you didn't have any common sense... :Pushes the slightly disturbed man off of him: We would have been out of here a long time ago if you didn't ask such a ridiculous question. :Begins rushing out of the store, addressing Dart without looking towards him: I might regret asking this... but... what exactly did you mean by "last time?"

Dart: :Fixes himself a little nervously, although getting considerably quickly over the discovery; follows after the man as swiftly as possible, keeping an eye out for anyone watching them and avoiding the gazes of others: Oh, well it was a half-educational, half evil plot experience devised by a friend of mine, which landed me in trouble with a, uh... another friend of mine. :Ducks low behind a shelf of clothing and slips towards the door to avoid a woman, lowers his voice to a whisper so only the other blonde can hear: The first friend, Meru, decided to educate me in the manners of girl-isms. Whatever those are. It ended up being awkward, uncomfortable, and then painful. :Grins suddenly at the memory, only a slight bit of embarrassment coloring his cheeks, but he does not continue:

Cloud: ... :Ignores a random giggle from a girl as he walks out the door and into the main walkway of the shopping center: "Awkward, uncomfortable, and then painful..." Sounds like my meeting with you. :Turns to the other: Do I really want to know where the story goes from there?

Dart: I don't know! You don't seem to be the type to be interested. :Grins easier this time and straightens before they walk out: You ask, I'll tell...at least most of it. :Looks around and sucks in a breath: ...hey, buddy. Where..._are_ we? :Suddenly notices the huge ceiling, masses of people, and endless line of stores:

Cloud: :Sighs: I'd rather not know... :Walks past a noisy bunch of students, glancing from store to store, and walking away from the food court: _I hope he doesn't notice... I don't think I can handle another escapade that involves his gut._ :Quirks his brow to the dirty-blonde: It's a mall. A shopping center where you can purchase various goods. You don't have one where you come from?

Dart: :Nods: Thought so. I'm getting used to you a little bit. :Grins and lets his eyes roam, noticing the cleanliness, the unusual design, how pristine and white everything is, and shakes his head in response to the other blonde's answer: No. Well, maybe something like it. There's this large town I used to go through called Lohan that reminds me a little of this. But it wasn't this neat or cool... :Tilts his head up at the ceiling and the additional floors there: And it looks like we're walking inside a big city here, with a roof over it that has a giant bazaar inside of it. I've never been to a place like this... :Trails off as he keeps turning his head and looking around:

Cloud: "Lohan?" Well, then you should be able to survive. :Already searching for the nearest exit: Maybe this way... :Doesn't seem too impressed with the scenery as he passes an electronics store; takes note of a certain someone not following: Dart. Don't fall behind.

Dart: :Starts as he hears his name called and then stares at the other blonde in silent shock for a few moments: _Did he just call me...?_ :Nods and then moves to catch up to him, still looking around, but not hiding the cautious glance that sneaks towards the other man:

Cloud: :Ignores him: I wonder if we're any closer to the exit? :Still trying to ignore him: Perhaps that way. :Looking towards the direction of a fountain; no longer can ignore him: What's with the staring?

Dart: :Shrugs and then grins casually at the question: Nothing, if you didn't notice it. :Walks near to the fountain, gazing at it with interest as they pass by; watches another group of teens walk past them, pointing to him and the other blonde and whispering not-so-quietly: What's with them?

Cloud: How annoying... Of course I noticed it... :Glares at the teens before answering: Who knows... maybe they want you to make a wish, since you keep staring at the fountain. :Deliberately stays away from the real reason they are being talked about:

Dart: What? Make a wish? :Looks at the fountain and takes a step out of their planned route to walk towards it: How do I make a wish? :Peers into the water: Hey pal! Someone left an entire purse of coins in here! Look at all of them! :Puts his hand in and pulls out a penny: Well this is the funniest coin I've ever seen. Can't be worth much, judging by how light it is.

Cloud: ... :Grabs Dart's ear and pulls him away: Are you trying to get arrested? You're not supposed to take the coins. You're supposed to leave them. :Exasperated sigh: Never made a wish, have you?

Dart: OUCH! Don't tug! Stop! :Smacks the blonde's arm away: Cut it out! You could ask! And no I'm _not_ trying to get arrested! Why would I get ar—oh. Well thanks for telling me now. :Grumbles and crosses his arms, throwing a glare at the fountain: Why do I have to pay someone to make a wish anyway? It's _my_ wish.

Cloud: :Twitch: Because that's not how it works. Some people believe that if you toss a coin into a fountain, you are paying tribute to water deities since water is seen as a gift from the gods in order to have their wish granted. Water is seen as a source of life, a natural resource with healing abilities. :Whispers into the other man's ear: Many people hold this custom in high regard so I would hold my tongue if I were you.

Dart: Oh... :Quiets and looks at the coin still in his hand before breaking away from the blonde and going back over to the fountain, placing the coin back under the water without dropping it, this time taking the time to wipe his hand on his pants; walks back to the other swordsman and nods with a smile: Lead the way.

Cloud: :Eyes the dirty-blonde curiously, studying each motion he makes intently: _He took that better than I thought he would._ :Blinks slowly whilst getting lost in his thoughts for a moment: _I guess there's still hope for him..._ :Returns from the depths of his mind once he was addressed by the other: ...right. :Turns, tossing his head faintly in the direction he plans to go:

Dart: :Starts off in the direction indicated:

_:Suddenly, a police officer shows up:_

Police Officer: Hey, you two there! :Pulls out a gun suddenly and aims it at them: Stop where you are, fellas, and lift your hands, putting them up nice and easy, now!

Dart: Huh? :Looks over his shoulder, bewildered by the oddly dressed man and the object in his hand: Hey, buddy. Is that guy talking to us?

Police Officer: Oh a smart guy, eh? Come on! Be quiet! Put your hands up!

Dart: ...he is talking to us! :Eyes the man curiously: Hey. :Nudges Cloud: What do you think he wants?

Cloud: :Glares at the doofus: We are two very suspicious individuals and he's a police officer... what do you think he wants? If you say a donut I am so murdering you. :Snarls viciously:

Dart: :Stares at the blonde man for a moment and then glances to the strangely dressed 'officer': ... :Looks back to Cloud: What's a police officer?

Cloud: ... :Narrows eyes: You've been to prison and you have no idea what a 'police officer' is? You _are_ hopeless.

Vix: ...did he just mention Dart going to jail?

Rain: He did... how in the world did he know that? :Is a bit scared by Cloud's know-it-all brain:

Vix: ...that's it. I'm placing guards around my surveillance systems. He will not break in anymore! :Roars!:

Rain: Uh... I don't think that's it... :Sweat drop:

Dart: ...OH! You mean something like a guard or a jailer then? :Grins: I know what that is! But why is _he_- :Points to the Police Officer: -telling us to stop and pointing that weird thing at us?

Cloud: Well, I don't know... why don't you take a real hard look at yourself, me, and then the passersby of this world? You might get an idea as to why he wants us to stop and why he's pointing his gun at us. :Has a feeling his sarcasm will be lost on the poor soul:

Dart: :Looks at Cloud, then at himself, and then at all the people beginning to gather at the scene: ...well we're clearly better dressed. Though I haven't the slightest clue what a "gun" is. :Shrugs and turns to the Officer: Sorry! We don't want any, buddy! Thanks anyway though! :Turns and begins to walk away:

Police Officer: H-hey! Where do you think you're going, punk! Stop! Or I'll shoot! :Aims his gun at the red man:

Cloud: ... :Hangs head low: You're not supposed to run from the police... However... seeing as how we'd probably get thrown in jail due to your idiocy... :Jumps over the officer, landing swiftly behind him, and lands a blow at the back of his neck, knocking him unconscious: ...we might as well get away while we still can. :Runs past the dirty-blond, grabbing his wrist once more to drag him away from the scene of the crime; educating him along the way: Dart, there will be more of these officers coming after us, I'm sure. They each carry a gun. "Guns" are weapons, which inhabit tiny projectiles called "bullets," used to kill in a quick and efficient manner. Guns are extremely dangerous so, for Shiva's sake, don't let the bullets hit you.

Dart: :Turning back to see what was taking the blonde so long just as Cloud runs up to him and then tugs him along: Whoa! :Breaks into a run but turns his head towards the other man as he begins to explain things; speaks up a minute after Cloud finishes: I understand, but what would they throw us in jail for? You said our appearance was different, but...that couldn't be it, could it? Was it the coin I took from the fountain? :Seems grieved by the thought: I didn't realize wish-making was such an important aspect of this "mall's" society.

Cloud: :Shoots a frustrated glare at Dart: You really haven't figured it out? How would you feel seeing someone dressed strangely with blades at their sides? Wouldn't you feel a bit threatened by that? :Notices three more guards coming for them; takes Dart's wrist from his right hand into his left whilst placing his right on Dart's back, forcing him to run faster than before: Take a good look around. Normal citizens do not carry weapons or wear armor so, naturally, we stand out.

Dart: :Furrows brows and glares over his shoulder at the blonde as he attempts to "help" him; increases his speed on his own: So we're a little different! All we did was talk, walk, and I accidentally took out a coin from the fountain dedicated to wishes! But I put it back! :Grabs the other man's arm and pulls him forward and around to break his hold and bring him almost in front of himself, then dashes swiftly into the first entrance around a corner: Let's hide for a whi- :Blinks as he slows and notices...: ...animals?

Cloud: ... :Stares blankly into the pet shop: ... :Narrows eyes to the other man: ...couldn't you have picked a better place? We are bound to get noticed here. :Glances at the puppies and kitties through the glass panel:

Dart: ...too bad. Let's hide! :Pulls him in further and goes towards the back, looking around at the small, fluffy creatures as they pass: They all look so docile. :Turns a corner so that they're out of sight of the entrance and his eyes land on a large glass stand separated into parts, and filled with puppies: Aww... look at these little guys! :Drops Cloud's arm and walks forward, crouching down in front of the display case:

Cloud: :Annoyed: Glad to see you are having fun... :Keeps a look out whilst allowing Dart to play with the animals: Just try to keep it down, will you?

Dart: :Completely didn't hear him, busy holding a gray and white puppy with a black spot over one eye just an inch away from his face: Who's a cute little buddy-wuddy? Are you, are you wagging your tail at _meeee?_ Are you wagging it at meeeee! That little stumpy tail of yours! :Puppy licks his nose: Awwhawhawwwww~ You little fluffy rascal!

Cloud: :Slowly turns his head to look at the other, a bit confused: _He really is... strange... doesn't even seem to care the kind of situation he has put us i__n__..._ :Sighs and stares at the two creatures making kissy faces to one another: ... :Smiles a little at the small pup in Dart's hands:

Dart: :Snorts and laughs as the puppy makes a whimper: Alright, buddy. I know. You wanna give the other man some love! Come on little guy! :Stands up with the pup gently in his arm and turns around; reaches for one of Cloud's hands and pulls it out, gently depositing the small puppy into the blonde man's arms: He wanted to say hello. :Grinning down at the puppy: Isn't that right, fluffball? Yeah, of course it is. Ah! :Smiles as the puppy sniffs Cloud's arm and then gently takes his sleeve into its mouth: See! I knew he'd like you!

Cloud: W-wait... :Before getting his complete thoughts out, the little puppy was already chewing on his sleeve: D-don't do that. Hey! :Picks up the puppy with his free hand and glares right into his eyes: Bad puppy. :Continues to glare as the little guy lets out a tiny bark and places his paw on Cloud's nose: ...just like him, huh? Well... :Blows gently on his paw, grabbing him with both hands to stare at him a bit before placing the pup gently into his arms, giving him a warm hug: Feel like being disobedient now? Yeah. I didn't think so. :Triumphant:

Dart: :Watches the man interact with the pup with a deftness and gentleness that belied experience, smiling faintly at the sight, and saying nothing as the blonde fell into conversation with the little fluffer:

Cloud: :Still holding onto the puppy, brings him closer to his face after hearing the pup make a small sound: Hm? What's wrong? :Pup takes strand of Cloud's hair into his mouth, leaving drool at its wake: ...I'm guessing this little one is... hungry... :Puppy's tail begins wagging continuously: Yeah... he is...

Dart: :Chuckles and turns around, reaching into the display case and taking out small bag of the dried food: Here. :Holds it out in his palm to him:

Cloud: :Puppy still chewing on his hair: ...a little help first. :Makes no attempt to separate the little one from himself:

Dart: :Grins and walks up to the man, then gently wiggles his finger near the puppy's mouth, touching it to the side of his teeth until the pup turns its attention on the finger and licks it before biting down on it; winces and laughs: You're free now. Here. :Holds up his other hand full of the food: Now feed him before I lose a digit.

Cloud: :Wraps his hand on the wet tip of his hair, drying it out by rubbing down on it: "Lose a digit?" That really wouldn't be so bad but... :Grabs the food, holding a piece under the nose of the pup; watches as the pup loses interest in the dirty-blonde's finger to gobble down the tiny morsel: ...I wouldn't want to see your blood spilled all over the innocent. :Pours more of the bag of food's contents into his palm, placing it right under the puppy's mouth, allowing him a much more comfortable reach:

Dart: Well I was going to say "lose a limb" but I thought you'd nitpick. Apparently, that didn't stop you in the least. And don't you worry about him getting dirty. :Points to the pup as he lets go his finger before wiping it off on his pants: He'll do that all on his own without my help. :Takes the bag and places it away again, leaning against a shelf and watching the blonde with the pup; after a moment, he speaks up again: So have you had a dog before?

Cloud: :Lowers gaze to the pup eating messily in his hand: No... not mine... just a stray that hung around my hometown. I used to feed it whenever it came around my house but... that's all. :Looks longingly at the little guy:

Dart: :Watches the lowered gaze carefully: So is that who you meant when you mentioned "him"?

Cloud: :Eyes widens a bit, a small wince escapes his lips, but quickly recovers before the red-armored man notices: Yeah... I suppose so...

Dart: :Eyes widen fractionally for a second and he studies the man's face, but one instant too late, it seems: ... :After a moment longer, he tilts his head and then opens his mouth: OH. FELINES! :Actually bounds away at that point with a new spring to his step: Come and see the poofy little—AH! She hissed at me! Bad kitty! Don't eat the nice man coming to say hello! I think she just doesn't like me. Hey, come over here! :Turns grinning and beckoning to the blonde, a black and brown kitten in his hand, clawing happily at his glove:

Cloud: :With one last hug of the pup, he places him back in his little den then walks to where his not-so-intelligent companion stood: You have a way with animals, I see. :Sighs, gently taking the kitten into his hands, gently petting her in slow, soothing motions: Might not want to be so rough with felines. They won't hesitate to scratch your eyes out and make you blind. Now then. :Grabs Dart's hands and places them tenderly around the kitty, showing him the exact amount of pressure to use and the kind of gentleness to show: Try rubbing behind her ears. That should warm her up to you. :Shows him exactly where to rub whilst the kitty begins purring happily: See? Try it. :Backs away from the two and watches, a bit amused:

Dart: :Smiles to the blonde as he comes over and looks down at the kitten: Well she seemed to be enjoying herself. :Nevertheless he watches as the other man instructs him and when the kitten is placed back in his hands, he gently mimics the actions demonstrated; the kitten, much more satisfied, repeats its vocal delight: ...thanks. I think I got it now. Though uh. If I stop, will she scratch me? :Grins sheepishly:

Cloud: :Closes his eyes, hint of a smile tracing his lips: I'm sure she would. She's an intelligent being. There's no way she would pass up a chance in scratching a person like you. :Glances up at him then to the kitty, nodding to her as if giving her permission to execute such an action:

Dart: :Smiles wryly: Thanks, buster. You're always so reassuring. :Gently rubs his finger over the tuft of fur between the kitten's ears and then replaces her gently back in her display case with her companions, breathing a sigh of relief when he comes out unscathed: Okay. I think...by now we should have lost the scouts. Though I don't really want to leave until I see the chipmunks. :Glancing around through the cages now, walking slowly down the aisle:

Cloud: "Chipmunks?" :Follows idly behind: You can't buy them in a pet shop. They are only located in the wild... and in a zoo but I'd rather stay away from those places... Hey. :Stops following: We should get out of here while it's still quiet.

Dart: :Turns around and looks at the other blonde: What? You're kidding! :Seems incredulous about the entire thing but walks towards the front of the store regardless as he talks: How can you not sell chipmunks but sell vicious felines! It makes no sense!

Cloud: Chipmunks aren't exactly the friendliest of creatures either. :Stealthily searches outside the shop for any officers that may still be lurking around: Clear. :Glances at the other out of the corner of his eyes: Ready, chipmunk lover? :Takes his leave without waiting for a response:

Dart: You've probably never owned one, so you wouldn't know just how affectionately devious they can be. But I forgive you. :Follows the blonde after the short pause at the door, looking around but more alert to danger this time: So how _do_ we get out of here?

Cloud: ... :Examines his surroundings, taking note of all possible escape routes: I won't lie... it's going to be difficult. There's still too many people around which means a guard can't be too far off. :Chuckles as he recalls an incident similar to this: If my friend were here, he'd insist on just running head first into the mass and forcing our way through. I must admit... :Narrows his eyes in the direction running between a DVD stand and a massage center, towards an escalator leading to the lower levels: ...he was effective in getting the job done, if a bit barbaric. :Turns gaze onto Dart: So? Think you can handle it?

Dart: :Grins at the recounting, imagining it for himself and clasping his fist in one hand, nodding curtly: I like his style! Let's go! :Decides not to wait and leaps onto the escalator railing, running down it effectively if needing to jump over an arm and a hand every once in a while on his way down: Come on! Aren't you supposed to be leading the way!

Cloud: ... :Sighs, shaking his head: _Maybe I shouldn't have told him about Barret... _:Jumps into the air, landing on the railing of the escalator: Too late now... :Slides down and jumps off once at the bottom, flips in the air to land at few feet away from Dart: I'm here, aren't I?

Guard 1: Oi! There they are!

Guard 2: Don't let them escape!

Cloud: Well, now... :Runs up to a little boy holding a light saber toy:

Little Boy: Wow, Mister! You jump almost as high as a kangaroo! :Laughs whole-heartedly:

Cloud: :Eye twitches: Really? Well, am I flattered... listen kid, can I borrow this? :Points to the saber:

Little Boy: But... you have your own sword. :Points to Cloud's blade:

Cloud: Yeah... but yours looks a lot more fun. :Goes down on one knee, gazing at the little boy with a smile on his face: I promise to return it to you.

Little Boy: :Seems a but flustered but hands over the toy: Okay, Mister. Enjoy! :Grins happily:

Cloud: :Takes the saber, patting the boy's head gently: Thanks.

Guard 2: You're mine! :Swings his baton at Cloud's side:

Cloud: :Dodges and whacks the officer's head hard with the plastic toy:

Guard 2: Wah! :Falls over, lying on the ground feeling dizzy:

Guard 1: Careful! He's a got a plastic saber! :Takes out helmet, placing it firmly on the top of his scalp:

Cloud: :Seems to be enjoying himself, tossing the sword back to the boy: Thanks. You just saved my life. :Runs off, making his way to the distant exit sign:

Little Boy: :Stares at the saber disbelievingly in his hands: Wow... that guy was awesome! :Yells after Cloud: You're welcome! You can borrow it any time!

Cloud: :Smiles faintly, passing right by Dart: Sorry for the wait.

Dart: :After landing he watches the other blonde following him with plenty more speed and show, this time not surprised at the trick or two; however as the blonde turned away, borrowed the child's toy, and proceeded to disable and stall the guards, he stands back, his arms crossed, a comfortable lopsided grin on his face the entire time; as Cloud comes running to and past him, Dart turns and bolts after him: You know, you're quite the unusual fella. Half the time I think you're too stuffy, and the rest of the time I think I respect you quite a bit. :Grins at the blonde as he runs beside him: This time though, you can seriously lead the way.

Cloud: _Glad to know he respects me half the time..._ :Seems rather annoyed but brushes it aside rather quickly whilst being more focused with the task at hand: It doesn't seem I have a choice in the matter... fine. :Kicks a cart of bouncing balls at a slow moving guard, who succeeded in tripping over them anyway, then sees a hot dog stand, a clothing store, and an electronics store: ...I don't think we are getting any closer to the exit of this never-ending abyss. :Glances at a little girl who's pointing and laughing at him: ...?

Little Girl: Look, Mommy! She looks like my doll, Stacie! :Begins giggling again:

Cloud: :Vein pop: Even in this world... :Hangs head low, addressing Dart: Just... pick a place.

Dart: :Blinks and looks at the blonde man curiously, having caught the comment by the little girl and his companion's reaction: Uh... this has happened to you before? :But gets distracted in looking for a place, making a mental note to ask about that later on; he spots a large store filled with many shelves and shiny boxes and grabs Cloud's arm, pulling him in there with him and slowing to a walk as they enter, he leads them further and further in, not noticing which sections they're entering: Think they saw us come in here? :Glancing over his shoulder:

Cloud: :Shakes his arm loose from Dart's grip: If you don't see them chasing after us anymore then the only logical answer would be "no."

Dart: Well good then! :Blinks and gets distracted: Hey, what are these? :Points to one of the large black, flat boxes: Why is it moving? What's in there?

Cloud: "Those," you uneducated baboon, are call "television sets." Or "T.V.'s" for short. It's a telecommunication device created for transmitting and receiving moving images. Its main purpose is used for entertainment. However, watch enough of it and you'll see it's meant for _other_ uses as well. :Answers automatically, already used to his companion's limited amount of knowledge:

Dart: :Bluntly continues: Whooooaaa… Never seen anything like it in my life! What "other" things? :Grins like a kid as he leans in close to the nearest "T.V." screen and presses his face flat against it:

Cloud: Don't do that! :Takes his turn in grabbing Dart's arm, pulling him away from the television: Watching T.V. that close can strain your eyes. Do you want to go blind? Besides, if any of the employees catch you, they might throw us both out. :Shakes his head whilst groaning lightly: Worse than a kid. :Releases Dart: To answer your question. The _other_ things are… :Stops short: …you don't need to know. Come on. We're leaving. :Goes to check if it is safe to exit the store:

Dart: Come on! I'm totally old enough! Calling me a kid! I can know! Hey, how old ARE you? :Catches up to him and hovers next to his side, not bothering to keep an eye out since he knows the other man's doing it:

Cloud: :Glances over his shoulder for a brief second: Older than you. Now stop distracting me. :Goes back to his previous task: There's one guard over at the vending machine… seventeen feet away… if we time this perfectly… :Trails off as he calculates something in his head:

Dart: Hmph! Always ignoring me! Well, then, come on! :Grabs Cloud by the shoulder of his sleeve and runs:

Cloud: …then we might ju—hey! :Nearly being dragged: Are you insane? They're going to—

Police Officer: There they are! Grab those miscreants!

Cloud: :Glares at the ignoramus with a deep burning hatred: Doing things without putting much thought into it is always a proud moment for you, isn't it?

Dart: Hey I've seen you run! They won't catch us! :Throws a grin over his shoulder at the blonde: Right, Blondie? :Pulling him, he continues to race through the people towards the way the other man had been scouting:

Cloud: :Allows himself to be dragged by the red one… though still not very happy with him: … :Eyes Dart curiously for a moment before responding: If you fall behind, I'll make sure to never keep you in my memories. :Finally dashes into a full-on run, still allowing for his unwanted companion to keep hold of him: Move it.

Dart: Now that's what I'm talking about! :Puts on speed too to try and keep up, letting go of the other so he can run faster: Hey! Look! :He points and grins, still running: There's the exit!

_:Up ahead, the doors with their neon red EXIT signs above come into view. Unfortunately, so does a group of police officers, armored vehicles, and people in masks:_

Dart: Whoa! :Skids to a stop and grabs the other man to slow him as what seem to be hundreds of armored soldiers gather in the area:

Commander: Halt! Go no further! Drop your weapons and lay flat on the ground with your hands behind your heads and we will not fire! I repeat, halt and lay flat on the ground and we will _not_ fire!

Rain: Hey, Vix… where in the hell did all those armored people come from? I mean… I know the boys look suspicious… but isn't this a bit much?

Vix: I phoned the police and told them they were terrorists! 8DDDDDDDDDD

Rain: … :Whacks Vix over the head: WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD YOU DO THAT!

Vix: I thought it would be hilarious! :Cracking up as she says it:

Rain: Well, bloody "Har Har!" Now the boys are in for a shitload of trouble… I just hope they don't blow anybody up… leave it to Dart… I'm sure he will. :Sighs:

Vix: Ahhh, they'll be fiiiine! See? Look at them!

Dart: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! :Grabbed Cloud by the arm and running the other way, dodging bazookas:

Vix: See? Perfectly fine! :Beams!:

Rain: …what are you talking about? HE'S RUNNING RIGHT INTO THE REINFORCEMENTS! DX

Vix: Ehhhh, they'll make it! X3

Cloud: Dart… :Puts his hand in front of Dart to prevent him from running: Dart… :Pauses for a moment, making sure he has the other's attention, then points nonchalantly to the backup officers: Not that way.

Dart: Oh. :Stares blankly at Cloud: …guess we'll have to do it then. :Smacks the blonde lightly on the arm: You go that way, I go this way. :He nods grimly, then leaps to the left, running to break up the reinforcements: Meet you on the other side! :He calls and grins, using the stalls in the middle of the walkway for cover as he moves past the troops:

Cloud: :Stares after his companion's fleeting form: _Sure… now he's in a rush. Oh well…_ :Walks to the other side, unsheathing his sword:

Commander: Halt! Do not continue any further or we'll be forced to fire!

Cloud: He owes me for this. :Dashes right at them:

Lowly Subordinate 1: Uh… Boss? He's coming right at us.

Lowly Subordinate 2: W-What shall we do?

Commander: Ask him if he wants tea. WHAT DO YOU THINK, YOU IMBECILES! FIRE!

Cloud: :Dodges, swinging down his sword, blowing most of them (and the armored vehicles) away:

Commander: Damn it! Not again!

Lowly Subordinate 1&2: Looks like Team Torpedo is blasting of—

Commander: NO MORE ANIME FOR YOU!

Cloud: :Blinks: …I need out of this strange world. :Turns around: _I wonder how Hopeless is holding up._

Dart: WAH-HOOOOO! :Somehow managed to get a hold of an armored ATV and is driving it erratically all over and between and through the different troops, straight towards Cloud. At the last possible second he swerves right towards the blonde and shouts: Come on, buddy! Get on! :He throws out an arm to grab him and keeps the vehicle moving while the bullets shoot all around them:

Cloud: :Narrows eyes as he looks towards the other man then, as he continues to stare, a small, barely visible smile forms: This… is what I'm to expect for the rest of this journey. Right, authors?

Rain: Hey! I told you to stop breaking the fourth wall!

Cloud: I make no promises.

Rain: … yeah, neither do I. :Snickers:

Cloud: :Raises his hand for the dirty-blonde to grab hold. Once inside the vehicle and making sure he's well in place to not fall out, he questions something everyone wants to know: How did you get your hands on one of these? Wait… let me guess… you talked a guard into committing suicide with your never-ending nonsense?

Dart: I lost them behind a few stands, climbed a pole, jumped on a group of three guys, in this weird thing, knocked two of them out of it, the other guy had his head stuck in that helmet, and the thing started moving. So I shoved him out, drove through a group of people that jumped out of the way, accidentally set off something that blew up behind me and then saw you! :Grins: Cool, huh?

Cloud: I prefer my version. Anyway… :Glances towards the exit: …we should try to get out of here. Drive this contraption over there. :Points: You see that sign? It says "Exit" in big red letters? Even if you can't read, you should at least know the color red. :Places his hand on Dart's shoulder: Be smart with me and I'm throwing you off.

Dart: Hey, I was the one who got this weird box thing for you! It's a good thing it's fast! And I can too read! :Looks at the blonde and accidentally makes the vehicle swerve: Whoa! Stop it! Strangest thing I've ever seen. This box is more sensitive than you!

Cloud: Fool! Don't look at me! Look where you're driving! You're going to get us killed that way! Where in the world did you get your li… cense… :Falls eerily quiet:

Dart: What's a license? :Looks at him again and catches himself right before the vehicle swerves once more: Stupid thing!

Cloud: Even though you basically told me with your response, I feel foolish enough to ask directly… :Inhales deeply: Dart, do you even know how to drive?

Dart: Drive? What's that?

Cloud: :Nods, slumping slowly to the floor of the ATV: And our fate has been sealed. Oh well… I lived a long and happy life. Hey, Dart, believe it or not, I'm sorta, kinda, not really, going to miss you. I would say "See you above" but we both know you're not going to end up there on account of your incredulous stupidity! :Suddenly stands and does everything within his power to not throw the poor fool off the vehicle: Get out of that seat right now if you know what's good for you. :Nearly hissing:

Dart: Come on! I'm doing a good enough job! And look! There's the exit! :Suddenly, they smash right through the glass doors into the outside: GREAT SOA! WHAT DID WE JUST HIT!

Cloud: That was GLASS you ignoramus! A see-through clear substance that—WHY AM I EVEN EXPLAINING IT! Get out of this seat! Right now! I'll drive!

Rain: Vix… me thinks this is going to end up badly. Look… they're headed for traffic…

Dart: I said I'm FIN—WHOA. There are MORE of these things?

Vix: …yeeep. Looks like they're gonna crash! 8D

Cloud: Of course there's more. We're in a city. A city. Do you know what that is? Or would you like me to give you a lesson on that as—LOOK OUT! :Grabs hold of the steering wheel and swerves them out of the way: Damn it… Dart… :Glaring evilly at the dirty-blonde; considering whether anyone will really notice if he commits murder:

Rain: Ya think? Dude, I'm ending this before it becomes too much of a disaster. Bunnies!

Magical Bunnies: :Poofs in from out of nowhere:

Rain: There're the boys. You know what to do.

Magical Bunnies: :Poofs in front of boys:

Cloud: Dart, you should let me—bunnies… not again. :Hangs head low:

Dart: Bunnies! Finally! Something I _recognize!_

Magical Bunnies: :Grabs hold of boys and poofs… again!:

Rain: Oi… my head.

Vix: I think it ended quite well actually! :Watches the car magically avoid all the traffic and crash into a random stop sign: …YEP! Good ending! 8D Let's go tell the bunnies where to drop 'em off next!

Rain: Snow! :Bouncy/happy/whee time!:

Vix: :Grins: …TOTALLY! LET'S DO IT!

Rain: Oh yeah! We're going to do it this time? I could have sworn we had something else in mind.

Vix: Ahhhh, who cares! We can save it for later! TO THE SNOW! :Dashes off to the next chapter!:

Rain: ... :Shrugs: I'm good with that. :Smirks: The cold can come in handy in many ways... :Skips off after them:


End file.
